So I have decided, I need a break.
I need a break from being a mom, from being an employee from being a wife.
It is not that I no longer want any of these rolls or responsibilities it is that I think I have lost touch with myself.
I don't know who I am anymore, not that I ever really knew who I was.
But I feel lost.
I need to be on an island alone with nothing but my music, so if i want to lie in a dark room with headphones on cranking up Led Zeppelin I can without being interrupted and get lost in the music.
I guess it really means I just need a vacation alone.
You know I really want to be pampered. Here are my list of wants:
                       1. a pedicure/ manicure
                       2. get my hair done
                       3. a massage
                       4.  I want to drive 95 mph on a sunny day down a stretch of highway with my music cranked
                       5. I want to sit on a beach in the sun with a cold drink in my hand soaking up the rays.

But here's my deal.
When I do take a vacation I work on my house or something else because I feel guilty taking the time for myself. (what a catch 22) I mean I look around and see all the things that need to be done and it's overwhelming.

Bar Life

For those of you who may not be aware I have been a DJ and karaoke host for some years now.

Let me tell you, the things that I have seen and experienced would blow your mind. 

Now for those in the industry, they will be able to read this and nod their heads, but for others.. you should get a good chuckle out of this.

I think first I would like to go over some common rules you should follow when approaching a dj or karaoke host:

1. Have manners, your dj is not a jukebox and should not be treated as such, Greet them, say hi. then ask them, "could you play" or "I would like to sing.." don't just go up and be like "FREE BIRD" 

2. Your DJ is not your therapist: please do not share your entire life story as compelling as it may seem, I will only use you as another subject  in my blog.

3. Karaoke is all about fun. Please do not think of it as your "American Idol" audition. The DJ will control the sound to make you come across as good as possible.

4. As much fun as a song may be to sing, if you don't know it.... don't sing it.

5. If someone sings the song you wanted to sing, please do not scream across the bar "that's my song!" unless you are Whitney Houston singing "I will always love you" it is not your song.

6. Please be mindful of the crowd. If the DJ asks you not to curse during your song DON'T. ( a lot of venues have a diverse crowd that don't want to hear that. ) 

7. Your DJ is not like the app "SHAZAM" if you come up and give me a lyric of a song that you don't know the name of, don't get mad at me if I don't know it either.

8. If you are to drunk to talk you are to drunk to sing.

9. As much fun as you may think it is to put your shy friends name in to sing without them knowing, please don't waste our time of calling them and trying to get them to sing.

And finally

10. This goes back to #1. do not shout across the bar your request, it is difficult to hear behind the speakers as it is and that behavior is just rude.

Selfishness

I tend to think of those around me, inside and outside of my life. At times the things I see and hear make me want to scream to the high heavens at the top of my lungs.  Let me say this: 
The world does not revolve around you.
The world does not owe you anything.
You are an adult and it is time for you to take care of yourself and not have your family/and or society carry the weigth that you have created and to pay for the mistakes that you have made.
There are times in life that are inconvienent and difficult for all us, suck it up.
Do not, bald face lie about your finacial and or behavioral status and then do the oppisite..i.e. say you are broke and then go out and spend hundreds of dollars on something you thought was fun.
I am tired of hearing and seeing it on a day to day basis.  I bust my ass for what little I have. And yes I would love to fall into a pile of money and be able to do what I want, however that is as likely to happen as me finding a real unicorn.
So step up to reality and do whatever it is that you need to do to survive in this world, get a job or another job. Be tired for a year to pay of your bills and get on your feet, I am not going to carry you any longer and I hope others will do the same.